“Barkadas” are the friends for life that you can always count on— you may have met them at school or grew up in the same hometown. At the end of the day, they are your besties who will immediately run for their lives when you call for them.
However, as friends grow up, priorities change. Some of them get into their own careers, pursue their dreams, and of course, find the love of their lives. The friends we love and cherish start to go on dates and have the most “kilig” times of their lives.
While this is a good thing, it can sometimes backfire—especially when all your friends have found love, except you.
Sometimes, jealousy seeps in. Maybe you have asked yourself at one point why you’re single or had a Liza Soberano moment and asked yourself, “Am I not enough? Pangit ba ako?”.
At most times, you just become awkward with your friends, with yourself, or just with the situation itself. When this comes, you start to struggle with being the only single person in the barkada.
Of course, a person can struggle and feel genuinely happy for their friends’ relationships at the same time. Still, being left the only one without a beaux can be challenging.
Here are some struggles that every last-single-barkada member can relate to:
1. Most of your friends start sharing their partner’s inside story.
When all of your friends were single, the usual topics were your individual lives, “chismis,” or anything family-related. However, when you’re the only one left single, the topic completely shifts; now, all they probably do is talk about their boyfriends or girlfriends, which you do not have.
Whether it’s a full-on rant or a kilig-worthy chika, now that they’re all in love, the barkada topic is surely each other’s love life. For people who are single, this can be perplexing or awkward because they don’t have anything to contribute to the conversation.
People might think—“but single people can tell their friends so many things about love, like their flirting experiences or new crushes they’ve met at a party!”.
While this is true, at the end of the day, none of your friends can relate to that conversation anymore, making it quite a dead-end topic to go and talk about.
2. Your new job will be as a part-time ‘gala’ organizer
With the entire barkada taken, their time is also most likely taken as well. As the only single person whom the barkada assumes has more time, you are automatically designated as the “gala” organizer.
Whenever you meet up and hang out, the single person is always the one assigned to plan. Now that everyone in the group is taken except you, hanging out can be tricky because matching free time is also quite impossible.
You, as the single friend, is now left with the job of asking everyone for their availability and arranging a meetup schedule for the barkada. Being the only one single is kind of becoming the barkada’s secretary, in a way.
3. You always end up as the ‘third wheel’
While third-wheeling has its own benefits, like being able to dine for free with the couple you’re with, it also has its downsides, which can be a struggle.
For one, third wheeling does not mean you get to hang with your friend, because the plus one is definitely you. It’s most likely you’re hanging out with yourself while tagging along with a couple who have their own worlds.
Moreover, it can be awkward when your friends are doing a public display of affection (PDA) because, honestly—how does one react to that? Especially for a single person.
It’s more awkward when the couple shares inside jokes you surely don’t understand—sometimes more awkward when you witness them fighting in person. In this case, third wheeling is quite a tough job, both emotionally and mentally.
4. The pressure cooker is cooking really hard
Being the sole, single person in the barkada is definitely a mental olympics. Have you ever felt like you were rice in a pressure cooker? When all of your friends are dating, the pressure to date will definitely hit you really hard.
You may have sometimes downloaded dating apps just to take a shot at finding love—or unleashed a few flirting skills with acquaintances or friends just for the chance to be able to find the one.
You may have left comments on social media, asking “prayer reveal po” to people in a relationship. Because honestly—what prayers do people say for someone to fall in love with them?
At the end of the day, being single can bother your thoughts, making you question why you’re the only one left without a boo.
5. Sometimes loneliness is your best friend
Singleness is not just a mental olympics—it is also quite an emotional one. Even when you hang out with your friends or third wheel with their lovers, being alone can feel sad and lonely.
It could be the thought of not having someone to be affectionate with or just simply feeling like you have no one anymore because your friends are busy.
Some of your friends might not be able to spend time with you, spend your birthday with you, or accompany you to a concert. The single person in the group has to face a new reality—that they are not their friends’ priority anymore.
Relationships, marriage, establishing families—that is the new goal of your friends, which might leave you out of place sometimes. They won’t probably be available immediately when you invite them, and they’re not a phone call away anymore because their priorities have shifted.
These times can be a little tough on the single friend, especially when they’re going through a bad time and are in need of the barkada’s tender loving care.
6. Everyone also assumes you’re lonely
Rest in peace to your pride and image. It can be true that, as the single one in the barkada, you might actually be lonely—but it takes a different hit when people actually make it as if you’re always sad and lonely. Bonus points if they make you feel like they pity you.
Of course, while being single can make someone feel lonely, relationships are not the start and end of the world. The single person in the barkada may be occupied with their careers or busy working on themselves. There are a lot of reasons for a person to be happy.
For others, singleness seems different. You may have been asked if you’re okay and making things seem like they’ve always been bad for you as the only one left single in the group.
Crazy, because the single person surely thought to answer that at one point—“Kapag single, hindi na agad masaya?!”.
7. Friends will always bring up your ‘singleness’
Lastly, if you have never felt the pressure, your own barkada will definitely make you feel it. Single people in the group always hear the same things: “Lower your standards, kaya?” or “I know someone. Gusto mo ng reto?”.
The point is—they will always bring up how you’re single and why you’re not dating. They will encourage you to go out and date like the rest of them did. Worse, you can even be the center of the joke when they hear or see the word “single.”
At the end of the day, these struggles are normal to experience. While it can be hard for the one left single, it is always a matter of good communication and personal choice to cherish the friendships you have, no matter their priorities in life.
If you are the single one in the group, remember that you are strong, beautiful, and deserving of love too.
While the time to love a special person has not come yet for you, there is surely always time to love yourself as you wait for the right time and the right person.